Singing, yelling, screaming, laughing,
praising.
This is what I was made for.
I took a long awaited and absolutely
necessary walk on the beach. After several long hard days and goodbyes I needed
to be refreshed, washed in love and in peace, in knowing that everything in the
universe was where it was supposed to be, because it surely didn’t feel like
it. I felt like 14 pieces of my heart walked away I said goodbye to all my
girls, not knowing when or if I’d ever see them again. The worst part is I
couldn’t show it. I literally could not cry as they wept on my shoulders in a
tight hug. I thought of all the emotion filled times when I cried not wanting
to and wishing I could let the tears fall then. But alas, that wasn’t God’s
will for me; for once I was supposed to be the strong one. Strength is a funny
thing; I ask for it constantly because I am so weak, yet God uses my weakness
all the more for His glory. “My strength
is made perfect in weakness,” God says. Paul states that when he is weak, it’s
then that he’s strong. He boasts in his weakness! Something God has shown me
over and over again these last few months is that His strength is my strength.
I have repeated it under my breath a hundred times, reminded myself in every
hard moment, declared as I held what I felt to be the whole world on my
shoulders…
“Your strength is my strength.”
My own strength, this body, this
brain, these muscles are so weak, in reality not good for anything, any power
in me, any moment of courage, is by His strength alone. “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I
am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I can finally relate to Paul, it makes
sense now. When my so called strength shuts down,
God moves in and makes His strength, my strength! The power of God put the
planet into orbit. He can solve my problem. The power of God created the world
from nothing. He can answer my prayers. The power of God creates a new life
from two cells. He can heal cancer. The power of God made the ocean. He can
turn impossible, terrible situations to good.
On that beach I sang into the waves, I
prayed out loud and with vigor, I sang new songs and danced, I finally cried. I
plopped down on a big beautiful piece of driftwood and allowed all my worries
and fears to float away on the ocean tide. The waves crashed and the seeming
vastness of my problems faded away as I watched the horizon. God is in control.
When I look at Him, impossible is not a word. When I look at Him, there is
nothing to fear. “I’ve got this,” He says. “I saw you and planned all of your
days before you were ever a thought to anyone else,” he says. “The thoughts I
think toward you are of peace,” He says. “I know the plans I have for you, even
if you don’t,” He says. When I remember God and what He says and what I know to
be true the lies are uncovered. When I look at His greatness I remember how
unworthy I am, yet He blesses me and allows me to know Him anyway. When I just
look at the huge and majestic waves, crashing on a little rock in the middle of
a sea called Kauai, which is on a tiny little planet called earth in a small
galaxy called the milky way in the corner of a giant universe, I remember how
little I am and how wonderful and big He is. Everything else fades away and I
remember that I am a princess sitting the palm of my king.
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