Strength and waves.

Singing, yelling, screaming, laughing, praising.

This is what I was made for.

I took a long awaited and absolutely necessary walk on the beach. After several long hard days and goodbyes I needed to be refreshed, washed in love and in peace, in knowing that everything in the universe was where it was supposed to be, because it surely didn’t feel like it. I felt like 14 pieces of my heart walked away I said goodbye to all my girls, not knowing when or if I’d ever see them again. The worst part is I couldn’t show it. I literally could not cry as they wept on my shoulders in a tight hug. I thought of all the emotion filled times when I cried not wanting to and wishing I could let the tears fall then. But alas, that wasn’t God’s will for me; for once I was supposed to be the strong one. Strength is a funny thing; I ask for it constantly because I am so weak, yet God uses my weakness all the more for His glory.  “My strength is made perfect in weakness,” God says. Paul states that when he is weak, it’s then that he’s strong. He boasts in his weakness! Something God has shown me over and over again these last few months is that His strength is my strength. I have repeated it under my breath a hundred times, reminded myself in every hard moment, declared as I held what I felt to be the whole world on my shoulders…  

“Your strength is my strength.”

My own strength, this body, this brain, these muscles are so weak, in reality not good for anything, any power in me, any moment of courage, is by His strength alone. “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I can finally relate to Paul, it makes sense now. When my so called strength shuts down, God moves in and makes His strength, my strength! The power of God put the planet into orbit. He can solve my problem. The power of God created the world from nothing. He can answer my prayers. The power of God creates a new life from two cells. He can heal cancer. The power of God made the ocean. He can turn impossible, terrible situations to good.  

On that beach I sang into the waves, I prayed out loud and with vigor, I sang new songs and danced, I finally cried. I plopped down on a big beautiful piece of driftwood and allowed all my worries and fears to float away on the ocean tide. The waves crashed and the seeming vastness of my problems faded away as I watched the horizon. God is in control. When I look at Him, impossible is not a word. When I look at Him, there is nothing to fear. “I’ve got this,” He says. “I saw you and planned all of your days before you were ever a thought to anyone else,” he says. “The thoughts I think toward you are of peace,” He says. “I know the plans I have for you, even if you don’t,” He says. When I remember God and what He says and what I know to be true the lies are uncovered. When I look at His greatness I remember how unworthy I am, yet He blesses me and allows me to know Him anyway. When I just look at the huge and majestic waves, crashing on a little rock in the middle of a sea called Kauai, which is on a tiny little planet called earth in a small galaxy called the milky way in the corner of a giant universe, I remember how little I am and how wonderful and big He is. Everything else fades away and I remember that I am a princess sitting the palm of my king.